Jimmy Mills (58), from Crumlin, struggled after the death of his wife Susan in 2018, and his daughter Ciara who died exactly a year later to suicide.
“When I lost my wife and my daughter, I went on a downward spiral. I was feeling really sorry for myself,” he told the Irish Independent.
“Ciara took her own life on her mammy’s first anniversary. It’s dreadful because she left two little boys behind.
“Sue and I would have a glass of wine at the weekends. When she died, I continued to have a glass of wine, but then I was having a bottle of wine, then I was having two bottles of wine. I just didn’t know who the hell I was, where I was going, or where I was at.
“If family rang me, I’d tell them I was great, put on the show on the phone, and if they’d try to make plans with me, I’d make excuses. I used to lock myself in the apartment, I don’t know who that man was.”
Jimmy, who is now a bus driver for children with special needs, retired after 31 years in the army in 2016.
“We need to give dignity to these men who served for our country, to treat them with the respect they deserve. These are men who went off to places like the Middle East peacekeeping,” he said.
“A lot of old army guys just kind of fizzle out and are forgotten about. Some of them would have mental health problems after leaving the army. I joined when I was 18, and I didn’t know anything else.
“When I left in 2016, I thought, great, happy days, I’m finished. The big mistake was that I left without a plan.
“I know some guys who leave the army and go straight into other employment. I sat at home and said to myself, what do I do now? It was absolutely crazy. I just wasn’t prepared for civilian life.
“I just couldn’t believe how much I missed it once I was retired. It was like a death in the family. My wife Susan and daughter were alive at the time but when they passed, it was a bad few years for me.”
Mr Mills is now running the Dublin City Marathon in support of the Fuchsia Appeal for Homeless Veterans, to help other people who struggle after leaving the army.
“I reached out to an old army buddy, Anto O’Donoghue, who is an aircraft technician in the Air Corps,” he said.
“I knew he was into his fitness. The hardest part was actually picking up that phone, but he got me back out there. He does a boot camp in Blackrock and had me doing runs and exercises.
“It’s been the guts of two years now. I’ve been running regularly, doing the boot camp, and I joined the Cherry Orchard running club, absolutely the best thing I’ve ever done.
“I joined it last December, they’re all just fantastic. If you want to run a marathon, join a club.
“When you start off first, it’s very, very difficult. It’s really tough getting out there, especially when you haven’t been doing that for a few years. But after a while, you get through the pain, and it just becomes a wonderful experience.
“It’s tough going, but my advice to anybody starting off running is to stick with it, start off with little jogs and concentrate on getting from A to B. Afterwards, you start getting fitter and recording your runs. You want to get out there. You want to improve.
“Paul Clarke in the Veterans Associations got wind that I was doing the marathon. He was really excited about the relationship I have with Anto, because I’m a veteran and Anto is a serving member.
“He was delighted we were friends, because that doesn’t happen too often. Mostly guys stick together with guys who are on the job, not old fellas.
“So, I’m doing the marathon for them. I don’t know any marathon runner who will sleep on Saturday night. I know I won’t. I’ve got the butterflies; I’ve got the doubts. I’m like everyone else.
“But I’m looking forward to it, I feel like I’m ready for this. It’s an old army saying, preparation is key to success,” he added.
You can find out more about the fundraiser here.
