Bláthnaid Raleigh is a name now known to many.
Last July she took a brave decision to waive her anonymity so that the man who raped her, Jonathan Moran, could be publicly named.
He spent his first Christmas behind bars, having been handed down a nine-year prison sentence with one year suspended in July.
Six months on Bláthnaid Raleigh is trying to rebuild her life, which for five years was put on hold.
The 26-year-old is now teaching and looking forward to a new year, free from the weight of a garda investigation and an impending trial, and safe in the knowledge the man who caused her so much pain is no longer free.
However, she says, what happened in July 2019 will stay with her forever.
“I never gave myself the permission to think beyond a verdict. I never even let myself think of a guilty verdict, so I suppose afterwards, there was a whole new wave of emotion to deal with,” she said.
“The sadness hasn’t gone away; this all hasn’t just disappeared,” she added.
“Sometimes I still feel his presence around me. I feel his actions still affect different decisions and stuff in my life, which I suppose is something that’s just going to maybe be with me for a bit longer, or maybe, you know, forever”.
Bláthnaid Raleigh still finds going into her hometown difficult.
Moran is also from Mullingar and for years after the attack he walked around the locality, with his head held high.
He worked, socialised and played rugby. He couldn’t be identified so very few people knew what he had done and that he had been charged with rape.
All the while, Bláthnaid Raleigh was, in her own words “locked away”, trying to cope with what happened.
“I still find going into Mullingar a massive challenge. It’s like little fragments of him are still around,” she said.
Her family struggled too and one of Bláthnaid’s brothers quietly left Mullingar Rugby Club because of Moran’s attack on his sister. He couldn’t tell anyone why.
He joined Tullamore Rugby Club, a move that didn’t go down well locally and was accused by those who didn’t know why he left, of “thinking you’re better than us”.
Mullingar Rugby Club expelled Moran following a committee meeting on 19 June. In a statement it said it was “deeply shocked and saddened” by his crime and the club “condemn and are appalled by this act”.
Waiving anonymity brought comfort
Waiving her right to anonymity, while difficult at the time, is something she’s glad she did. It brought comfort that she no longer had to hide away and people, particularly local people, knew what Moran did.
However, she said, the coverage meant people began recognising her and while it was very positive, it brought with it a new layer of emotion.
“I didn’t think it was going to get as much coverage as it did and then I experienced people recognising me”.
“Anybody who did recognise me was so positive and kind, but sometimes they would say things like, “this is brilliant, you can start fresh or move on with your life now” and I’d be standing there nodding saying thanks very much but really what I want to say is, I can’t move on past this.”
“I battle with that a little bit, why can’t I move past this but that’s one of those things,” she said.
Waiving her right to anonymity has also meant that Bláthnaid Raleigh has become a voice for so many other women.
“I’ve had so many people reach out to me in similar situations and from my perspective. I’ve got to talk to people who understand exactly how I feel, I never had before that.
“I’ve never got to speak to someone with a similar experience. I’ve got to speak to people who understand exactly those feelings that I have.
“And then I’ve got to talk to people who are maybe a few steps behind me and looking for help or want to ask questions about the court process and how they go about waiving their anonymity.
“So that’s been a massive opportunity to reach people that I may never have got to reach.
“Only the other day I heard about somebody that I knew who knew somebody and they had reported a sexual assault because they had heard an interview I had done – and that to me, well I couldn’t believe that because of something I said, it helped somebody else.
“I just thought to myself, if nothing else ever came out of this, that’s one person that might get themselves out of a situation and report what happened, so that was massive.”
Bláthnaid believes this year, there has been a turning point.
A week rarely goes by now where there isn’t a case of sexual assault in the news, and it appears that more and more women are speaking out.
“I feel like it could be; it could be a turning point,” she said.
“The sentences are definitely getting tougher, and I think there’s so many more people waving their anonymity, which I think is a real deterrent for people, you know.
“I think we’re heading in the right direction,” she said.
In saying all that, Bláthnaid says the whole courts process is difficult.
“It’s exhausting before you even get there.
“You hear different people say it’s victim-centric. It’s not, the process is not victim-centric at all.
“It’s a gruelling and long process. You’re waiting for dates, dates get postponed. You’re waiting for evidence to come back. You’re always waiting and while you’re waiting, you’re very much in the dark, you’re very much alone.
“But is it impossible to get through? No, it’s not. You can get through it. I think if you have support in place for yourself, and if it’s something that you really want to do, you will get through it.”
In 2025, Bláthnaid wants to do more to help bring about change in the area of sexual violence education.
She has met Minister for Justice Helen McEntee, has visited the Garda College in Templemore, met officials from the IRFU, worked with the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre and has also worked with Department of Education officials on the CSPE curriculum.
“I’ve had so many opportunities and stuff come up where people really want to help and get guidance on what change needs to happen or what needs to be done, which is massive.
“I’ve had meetings with the people who write the CSPE curriculum and hopefully in time all of this will bring in changes to prevent the level of sexual violence that it out there.
“It’s just getting more prevalent and more extreme. I think the violence is off the wall, so hopefully all those sorts of things, with me and other survivors, will ensure that change comes.”
To battle it alone is a hard, hard battle but the minute you can start to talk to somebody about it, it really does help.
Out of a dark and difficult situation Bláthnaid Raleigh has shone a light on sexual assault and its impact. She has become a voice for women across the country and beyond and yet she feels uncomfortable when she’s described as brave and articulate.
She says she’s just trying to make sure no one ever has to go through what she has endured.
“I feel so awkward when people say that. I just have a desperate urge to try and prevent somebody else having to go through this.
“I know the impact it has on lives, and to try and prevent that happening to anyone else, that’s my major drive.
“It’s not for people to tell me I’m amazing and brave and articulate, but it’s to try and help those people who might be struggling they don’t know what to do and it’s also to educate people.”
As Bláthnaid reflects on the last six months, she says her family has been a constant support.
“I’m so blessed. My family are the biggest cheer squad, they’re so supportive, they’re amazing, they’re who I rely on the most,” she said.
As a new year approaches, Bláthnaid is very much focused on the future. She says she feels much stronger now and is working on rebuilding her life.
“Going into 2025, I feel optimistic. I’m still very aware that I carry this with me every year, but I don’t have the dread of facing a court case this year and I’ve had that for the last five years.
“The main thing for 2025 is to get back on my feet and stay making progress in my own life.”
This Christmas, she wants to encourage women who have experienced sexual violence, to talk to someone.
“I’d love to say report it; everyone should report it but I’m not stupid enough to think that everybody is in the position to report it.”
“What I would say is, if you can’t report it, don’t battle it alone.
“Talk to somebody, whether it be a friend, a work colleague, somebody in your local rape crisis centre, just somebody, because to battle it alone is a hard, hard battle but the minute you can start to talk to somebody about it, it really does help.
“Nobody should have to battle that on their own. It’s always tough, but it does get easier, and you learn ways to, cope and life does get better.”
Bláthnaid Raleigh is an example of that.
