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Colin Sheridan: Eight things I hate about Gaelic football and how to fix them

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Gaelic Football, the red haired stepchild of the GAA family, has had a temporary stay put on its head by what can only be described as a novel All-Ireland final pairing. A championship brought to life, not by quality so much as unfamiliarity. A decider with neither Kerry or Dublin was inconceivable 12 months ago. On Sunday, either Armagh and Galway will win their first championship in two decades. The newness will resonate, but old problems remain. Football is undoubtedly in a state of entropy with no quick fix available. There are, however, steps that can be taken to make the game more appealing and palatable, and something to be enjoyed much more than it is maligned, as up until last weekend the maligning was much more prevalent than the enjoyment. Hereunder, a season ending Gaelic Football; 8 Things I Hate About You, and how we can fix it.

A no-brainer. Both the grade reversion from U-17 back to U-18, and it’s place in the calender. On All-Ireland final day, before the senior final. It was never really broke, so fixing it seemed a tad redundant given so many other things were broken. It’s time to give this occasion the respect it deserves, and restore our showcase Sunday to its previous majesty.

Introduce the hooter 

It works in ladies football. It works in the AFL and Rugby League. It would give the dying moments much more tension and gravitas if we can hear the hooter go, and know everything after is win or bust. Trial it. If it doesn’t work, consign it the the scrapheap with Wavin hurleys. 

Show replays on the big screen in Croker

Why not? Is there some legal basis for those tactical decisions? All it does is add to a level of ignorance within the ground that is already debilitating. Switching to an ad for a bank when there is seminal moment in the game to replay is like the way the famed Iraqi Ministry for Misinformation would do to distract from some nefarious operation. You’ve got to trust people to make up their own minds. Show them the reply!

Shake up the coverage

The Sunday Game is on the verge of parody. New faces, sure, but same old format and very little constructive debate about action, but plenty about structures and Congress. It might be no harm to introduce the odd journalist or non-ex player subject matter expert to give a little nuance to the discourse. It’s all too cozy, and the controversy a tad contrived. A rebound is needed.

Midweek magazine

I don’t get it. How, in the name of all that is holy, is there no Wednesday night TV show that looks both back and forward. Maybe this is the place for the less ripped journalists to shine, but the GAA and their broadcasting partners are missing a serious beat in skipping the midweek meal. More fool them.

Mandatory press conferences

A point raised by Thomas Niblock on his GAA Social podcast two weeks ago. Make it compulsory, as county teams are far too insecure to commit a star to media duties less they get ridiculed for it. By whom? I think it’s fair to say, not by print or broadcast journalists, but by faceless trolls on X, and their 1990s equivalent, lads on high stools blowing froth off porter. Everyone wins if we see and hear more of the players. Follow the American model. For once, it’s the best.

Make All-Ireland final day Superbowl Sunday 

Again, a failing of the GAA and it’s broadcasting partners, but there should be coverage from breakfast time, until the last call on the day of our national finals. The BBC maximize every minute of their content to produce something innovative and entertaining, even if the game is not. RTÉ should take note. 

Shrink the backroom

No special congress needs to be convened to introduce realistic restrictions on the size of backroom teams. It is ridiculed, and rightly so. The game has morphed into less of a battle of wills, more of a scientific experiment. Even the gameday experience is compromised by watching bamboozling warm-up routines that would wind most 800m runners. Less is more. It’s time to make things simple, stupid.

Golf should be as tough as life 

Golf being hard is so much fun to watch. The game’s elite hitting drivers to Par 3s, shielding themselves from the Scottish wind and rain is soup for the soul, especially in the context of the PGA Tour, where every player now hits an 8 iron 180 yards into picture perfect greens. Shane Lowry’s struggles on Saturday may have been hard to watch from an an Irish point of view, but there was some poetry in his torment, especially as he was not alone, and despite his struggles he still entered yesterday primed for an assault, he he duly launched in much lore benign conditions. It makes you wonder why we don’t see more links golf on tour, notwithstanding the fact Americans tend to prefer high temperatures, no wind, and fairways the width of Moate. What that golf tends to produce, however, is a level of sameness so off putting you find yourself praying for Scottie Scheffler to get arrested again just for something different to happen. Sport should imitate life. Hard. Sometimes brutal, but often beautiful. That’s links golf. PGA tour golf is fast becoming a product of AI, or a cosmetic surgeon’s scalpel. I’d much rather a little beast with my beauty. Royal Troon was evidence of that. There was a certain sadness that came with the realisation too, that The Open was the last major of the season. The winner is long enough, and seems all the longer for having no more elite fields to look forward too. A restructure is needed. Maybe throw fifth one in for good measure.

Adidas off the mark 

Adidas has pulled images of the model Bella Hadid from adverts promoting a sports shoe first launched to coincide with the 1972 Munich Olympic Games. The German-based sportswear company said it was “revising” its campaign after criticism from Israel over Hadid’s involvement. The SL72 trainers, described by Adidas as a timeless classic, were promoted by Hadid, an American whose family has its roots in Palestine. This move is just another in a litany of Israeli interference in commerce and sport in the run-up to the Paris Olympics. To the many, it won’t matter, but to some it most definitely will. Sadly, no more Sambas for me.

Your Olympcs second team

There is one flag you may not recognise during Friday’s opening ceremony in Paris, but it’s one you should remember. Created in 2015, the Refugee Olympic Team first took part in the 2016 Rio Games, with 10 athletes in three sports. But this year it has grown to 37 athletes, whose countries of origin range from Iran, Syria and Afghanistan to Eritrea and South Sudan, competing in 12 sports including cycling, swimming, taekwondo, judo and breaking. The team is so important for the IOC that the refugee athletes will appear in second position at the Paris opening ceremony, after Greece, carrying the Olympic flag. Many of the refugee athletes credited sport for helping them cope with displacement, bereavement and starting again from nothing, proving that, despite the corporatization of sport, it still unites much more than it divides.

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