Since its beginnings in 1987, around 15.6 million students across Europe have jumped at the opportunity to study abroad via the Erasmus programme. While it aims to “support education, training, youth and sport in Europe”, for many students, especially in Trinity, their Erasmus is the first time they will live away from their family home. This unlocked sense of freedom leads many students to explore their sexuality and dating preferences, whilst learning many valuable lessons about love, beyond the confines of Trinity College…
“This unlocked sense of freedom leads many students to explore their sexuality, dating preferences and learn valuable lessons about love, beyond the confines of Trinity College”
As someone who met their partner shortly before embarking on my Erasmus to Prague (convenient, I know), I stood on the sidelines of the city’s dating scene, observing my peers who navigated one-night stands with older men, casual flings and daunting first dates, while simultaneously dealing with the challenges of moving to a new country. In the meantime, I was facing the obstacles of a long-distance relationship (which could be another article in itself!). Naturally, I was curious about whether the dating scenes abroad were different to that of Dublin, so I decided to talk to some fellow students about it.
Tara*, a Politics and Philosophy student who studied with me in Prague, was met with surprise when she began her semester abroad. Fresh out of a long-term relationship, she noted that she wanted to “experience guys from different backgrounds and cultures”. However, she was left “relatively disappointed, as the selection of men who showed interest was slight”. This led to her and many of her female friends stooping to what she deemed “gremlin level”.
It turns out that for some of us, home is never too far away. Many of these so-called “gremlins” in Prague turned out to be Irish, according to Tara. While she had hoped to meet people from other cultural backgrounds, she noted that she “felt drawn to Irish guys, possibly due to a feeling of mutual understanding, shared culture and safety”. A similar sentiment was echoed by Jade, a fellow Politics and Philosophy student in Prague. She observed that Irish Erasmus students “dated within [their] own Irish Erasmus group”, perhaps due to “craving familiarity while abroad”.
“Irish Erasmus students “dated within our own Irish Erasmus group”, perhaps due to “craving familiarity while abroad”
While in Prague, Tara found herself drawn to an Irish man working in the city, who was six years her senior. Reflecting on the time she spent with him, she mused that “frontal lobes are not developed” in men’s late 20s. She “witnessed older guys act just as immaturely” as men of her age, and said that in the future, maybe she will have to date “males of 40 years of age and above”.
This craving for familiarity was not shared by Aoife, a European Studies student who spent the year in Seville. “The one thing I avoided was Irish people. If they came up on my Tinder I would immediately swipe left”. She added that because she was “there for ten months”, she wanted to ‘‘have those experiences that are more scarce at home”. She also noted that “going out with someone is a good way to get to know where you live”.
While in Seville, Aoife met a twenty-year-old man from France. She called the time she spent with him an “enriching experience”. She described him as much more mature than people of his age in Ireland, noting his “secular, liberal upbringing in France” in comparison to her rural Irish upbringing contributed to what she described as a high level of “sexual literacy”. She joked that “Irish people need to get over themselves”. “I noticed how conservative and prude Irish people are,” she noted, adding that ‘‘it’s probably an over-politeness thing, and maybe probably a weird Catholic guilt’’.
“Irish people need to get over themselves”
My conversations were not all concerned with “gremlins” and French flings, however. I chatted with Paul and Heather, two Trinity students who met while on their Erasmus in Barcelona, leaving me hopeful that love can be found beyond the confines of Trinity College Dublin. Heather, a Law and Business student, actually believes that it was the nature of Erasmus that allowed her and Paul to meet. “Everyone is more open to meeting new people on Erasmus in general, which I think helps you bond with people (from Trinity) which you may not have if you hadn’t gone away”. Paul, a PPES student, agreed, saying that on an Erasmus, you want to get to know people “as fast as possible”.
The pair were surprised that they found love in Barcelona. They said that there had been a “ conversation pretty early on” about “taking it easy”, given the temporary nature of an Erasmus. However, they said that “things just didn’t progress that way. Barcelona is also a pretty romantic city, with lots of cosy bars and date spots, which didn’t help”. They noted that in comparison to Dublin, Barcelona was a PDA (public display of affection) hub. Paul joked that “you could be on the metro at 8 a.m. and there will be two people with their noses pressed against each other”. Heather agreed, saying “it was crazy”.
Coming away from each of these conversations, I felt that I stood a little less on the sidelines of the Erasmus dating scene. I knew before these conversations that I would never be able to write about one, clearly-defined “Erasmus experience”, but rather, each person would detail a different lesson, viewpoint or attitude that would come together to form a jigsaw in which each piece contributes to the broader picture of how an Erasmus can impact our love life as students. It is clear from these students’ experiences that whether you’re looking for a casual fling, or hope to find “the one”, the freedom that comes with moving abroad can not only broaden your educational horizons, but teach us valuable lessons about love, loss and everything in between. I assumed that the students I interviewed would focus their answers on the people that they met while abroad, but for the most part, their answers led them to turn inward and reflect on how their own perceptions of sex and relationships had changed while away. It is this space for self-reflection and recognition of personal growth, that is what, in my opinion, makes dating beyond Dublin an incredibly worthwhile experience.
*All names have been changed to maintain anonymity
