But it wasn’t all out with the old, in with the new for its tenth anniversary, as caring table angels Alice and Pete were on hand, alongside Neil, the world’s friendliest barman, available as always to offer contestants a cocktail settler with a chaser of sound advice.
Trusty maître d’ Mateo, as per usual, opens the show with some sound advice of his own, when he shrugs in that typical Gallic manner (yes, we know he is from Croatia) and says: “It’s normal to be nervous”.
DJ John and Sinead.
Cue shots of the first season’s contestants with serious jitters, feet going like kango hammers under the table, fiddling with their drinks and even a pepper grinder above the table, and generally looking very very nervous.
Sinead doesn’t show any nerves. With pink hair and a pair of matching pink feathers in her ears, Sinead (41) is first to introduce herself by blowing out a very large lungful of air that could well be misconstrued as disinterest. Lucky DJ John wasn’t around to see it. But we’ll put it down to nerves.
Proclaiming that “I have loved lots of people”, she fires off a very large party popper and shoots down any talk of the love-at-first-sight kind, before going on to explain how she likes to select different items from different menus on any given night, an analogy that suggests DJ John better have brought his very best mix tape for the evening.
As a primary school teacher, Sinead divulges at the bar to Neil and Mateo that there is an expectancy for her to be that nice, caring person, “which I am”, but as a comedian, who has cut her teeth at the Edinburgh Fringe, is also “this other person”.
Barman Neil – and you don’t get much past him, in fairness – wants to know what the default Sinead looks like. To which she answers “hostile”, with a peal of laughter so loud that DJ John, despite the hazards of his career, must have heard on approach.
DJ John (51), who we are told has recently returned to single life, “in his own inimitable style” arrives with a shock of orange hair (we did say new colour) that will surely impress pink Sinead, with yellow shoes and a shirt with a pattern that looks like the contents of an aquarium had fossilised onto it. It’s garish, it’s daring but it’s also very admirable.
“I like people that embrace fashion, and colour and style,” he says, admitting that over the last year he has rediscovered a sense of confidence that has allowed him to express himself more. Some would call that a mid-life crisis, and he has mistakenly led people on first impressions to think he’s gay. Which he’s not, and he doesn’t mind, but it doesn’t do him any favours, he says..
At 51, he’s still up for clubbing and the clubbing people, he says, are “my kind of people”. Which is genuinely refreshing to hear.
So what does Sinead think, when the colourful pair finally clash – meet?
Side by side, they look like extras from Willy Wonka, or that Oz remake Wicked, but there are positive signs, it has to be said, as they embrace and admire each other’s sartorial efforts. Game for a laugh at least, is how you would have to describe them and even at this early stage of the night, this is one couple you would like to see walk out hand-in-hand.
“I love the hairs,” says Mateo, with a wink as they go to the table for a natter.
The pair have a frank, genuine discussion about having to take the bold steps in life, Sinead describing how she got over her fear of performance by taking the plunge at Edinburgh, and DJ John chimes in with a “break the fourth wall” moment and admits that “even doing this” – motioning to the whole set-up – takes courage.
Sinéad also discusses her ambition to own her own house, having lived in a mobile home with no running water and a compost toilet, which “have definitely hampered any kind of romantic situation, I would say. It’s also hard to attract a man back to the house when you have a toilet that needs to be emptied – they don’t love it.”
Asked about her material for her shows, Sinead, who is well-travelled, concedes it’s all about being single and “how I can’t get a man”, which might have led some men to make their excuses and run, but DJ John, with just the right amount of empathy, has a good old-fashioned belly laugh and handles it perfectly.
John talks about losing his interest in music after having kids but that he has started DJing and “really getting into music again”.
Another honest and mature conversation follows where the pair discuss their careers, and Sinead drops the comic mask in place of something a little more stern as she demands that people at a certain stage of life need to know who they are. This leaves DJ John – who had just recounted a tale of burying a six-pack of beer near a tree at a festival (inspired by The Shawshank Redemption no doubt), for safe-keeping, only to discover the festival was in a different field – looking, for the first time, a little squirmish.
As expected, DJ John takes the bill as we get to hear Sinead, off camera, tell us that she would love to say there is a spark. But that would be too easy, she adds, leaving us wondering what scale of rites challenge she was actually expecting over dinner.
Your heart, and this is all about matters of the heart after all, goes out to John when you know what’s coming next. He did seem keen. But alas, love works in mysterious ways and when Sinead is first to shake her head when asked if they would meet again, it’s down to John to have the final word and say while there was plenty of conversation, there was “no romantic spark really”. Which is a pity. From a distant couch they looked like a nice match.
John, take it to the bridge and go and dig up that beer.
