A Loosehorse production, directed by Pat Comer of A Year ‘Til Sunday fame, primarily, it told the tale of Dublin ladies footballers’ 2017 season. It was the show’s central theme. An excellent selection, as it went.
But it also thrust Nicole Owens into a kind of raw public exposure that might have brought her out in cold sweats a year before.
“It was meant to be an accurate portrayal of a year in the life of a football team,” Owens says now.
“You can’t just pretend that it’s just about football because it never is. You’re all humans and even if you’re trying not to, you’re bringing what’s going on with you outside into the team atmosphere.
“It would have been disingenuous to not include that because it was so central to our experiences and the trajectory of the team throughout that year.”
Owens had struggled with issues around sexuality, insecurity and self-consciousness since her teens. She lapsed into depression.
“It got really bad,” she recalls now.
Spending so much time in a team environment meant it became part of her, and Dublin’s, story.
The difference being that while the tale of Dublin’s season was told and nicely rounded off by the end, mental health issues rarely follow the same succinct and satisfying format.
After repeated heartache, Dublin won the All-Ireland. The fly on their wall witnessed all their demons being slayed.
They sang Dog Days Are Over in their dressing room in Croke Park. They danced under the Brendan Martin Cup. The documentary had its narrative arc. Redemptive victory.
As the credits rolled to Florence and the Machine, all and everyone seemed both hunky and dory.
“With a physical thing, it’s treated and then it’s fixed,” Owens explains. “Firstly, the language of ‘fixed’ is probably the wrong language to use.
“The idea that you can open up to someone, you can talk about it and then it’s gone. That’s unfortunately not the case. Since 2017, I’ve had ups and downs and had a bad period where I sort of took it for granted and thought, ‘that’s all in the past now’.
“And I ended up with egg on my face. I had to be like, ‘I’m not OK’. Even though I think I’m resilient and I think I’m dealing with the pressures I’m actually not dealing with, I’ll go back and talk to someone then and holding myself accountable – that’s been a big part of it.
“I’m a lot more in tune with my body and my mind than I ever was before. I know now the last while has been a bit hectic and I feel that tension in myself. It’s sort of taking a step back. I know myself I’m not going to tear around this weekend.
“I’m going to go in the sauna. I’m going to go for a swim. I’m going to take that time. It’s almost like regular maintenance. Literally, it’s like gardening. Honestly.
“You might plant loads of plants and it looks beautiful. I did it with my garden and I looked out the other day and there were weeds. But that’s really what it is.
“Keeping an eye on yourself. Realising when your mood has shifted that you need to do a bit of . . . pruning – to really hammer the gardening analogy home!”
Sport, particularly team sport, is essential to Owens’ life now and the upkeep of her mental health.
It provides excercise and routine and structure. It provides community. It casts her in a tribe of peers.
This year, Owens came back to the Dublin panel having missed the 2023 win. A second ACL rupture in 2022 meant facing down the same painstaking rehabilitation she went through three years before.
“I’d struggled so much with injury and it had become a drain on the rest of my life. It was all I was thinking about. It wasn’t healthy,” she says now.
“I had to step away. Just knowing I wouldn’t be back until very late in the year. It’s tough to be around a team environment when you feel like you can’t contribute.
“You can contribute to it lots of different ways. But, for me, I need to contribute on the pitch. I wasn’t there last year. Coming back this year was tough – getting used to a whole new group of players.
“But part of it was just rediscovering my love of football.”
No, Dublin didn’t win the All-Ireland this year. They didn’t even make a semi-final. Yet Owens felt rejoining the group was a net positive.
“I’ve always weighed it up. Is it bringing more positive into my life than negative? Previously, when that shifted, it was actually bringing me more stress than release. That’s when I stepped away.
“There were ups and downs this year. But I think being involved and being part of a team again was great.
“That’s why I’m so bullish, I think, about the role Mick [Bohan] played in my life and ‘Redser’ [Louise Kelly], who was involved in the team as well. Had I not felt like it was somewhere where I could open up and say how I was feeling away from football . . .
“I think having that was crucial. Having gone through that experience, now I can see how easy it could have gotten a lot worse. So I’m incredibly grateful for that. That’s why I’m so eager to talk about this and keep the conversation going.
“In my family, we had a death by suicide last year. A young man. It’s getting to the stage where you realise you have to put your hand up. You can’t get help until people know you need help.
“I read a book about disconnections and the hypothesis is that we’re more disconnected from society and community now. Which is why the GAA plays such a big role.”
